Tears

I remember reading somewhere that when newborn babies cry, they don't shed any tears, because their tear ducts haven't completely formed yet. Well I've shed a few of my own tears in the last few days to make up for Abby's lack of them...

The past couple of afternoons have been rough. We've been spending a lot of time at the lake house with Rocky's family, and Abby has gone quite a long time each day without a nap. Oh, she'll relax for 10-15 minutes at a time, but then be back wide awake again, sometimes looking for food and sometimes just staring and listening to all of our voices. Come late afternoon/evening, she'll get fussy. Yesterday was pretty bad.

I tried everything I could think of to get her to calm down -- nursing, changing her diaper, singing, rocking, cuddling, swaddling -- no luck. I figured with how the day had been going she must just be overly tired and needed to sleep but couldn't get there. I spent over an hour trying to get her calmed down enough that I could lay her on the couch upstairs and let her sleep for a few hours. Every time I thought she was almost there -- her eyes were closing and her breathing was changing -- she'd fight it and we'd be right back to the beginning again.

I finally got so sad (not mad or upset -- just downright sad!) that I swaddled her up and laid her on the couch next to me and just sat there while she cried. And I let the tears fall on my own cheeks for her. Part of me felt like a bad mom, for letting her just sit there wailing her little lungs out, and for wanting to fix her but not knowing how to. Part of me just prayed that this would work and she would wear herself out enough to sleep. A big part of me wondered what the rest of the family downstairs must be thinking, and hoping that no one would come up and see me just sitting there...

After 5 minutes or so I finally picked her up again and paced the floor. She quieted down right away. Rocky came in from working outside and I tearfully explained what had been going on. I laid Abby down on the couch, thinking she might finally be falling asleep, but she started crying again as soon as I set her down. Rocky offered to take her for awhile (I love that man!) and told me to go downstairs and relax and get a drink of water. I did, and he took her outside for a walk in the stroller.

She did eventually quiet down, and overnight slept for almost 6 hours straight. She really is a good baby and I love her dearly. I'm SO thankful for a husband who is willing to give me a break, and to hold me while I shed tears for both Abby and I. We've only been at this a week -- we have a lot to learn, but we've also learned so much already.